Saturday, May 29, 2010

On Moving on

The world really has its way of making things perfectly right for you.

Few months ago, I was in extreme agony, nursing a really bad heartache due to slightly foreseen break- up. I never thought I could get over it easily. I spent my time sulking, a bit blaming myself for nothing. I just had the feeling I was to blame, until my friends told me I didn’t do anything wrong.

It’s been months of recovery. Although honestly, there is still hurt in small portions, I am glad that I am getting over it fast. I said I missed him, but never really meant of getting back with him, just the thought of having him in ways I could only remember now.

I guess it would never be easy to get over a break- up. Especially if you kept on seeing things you shouldn’t see. But it’s their prerogative. As an individual, you really have no right to tell them what to do, despite your preferences.

Admittedly, I am proud of myself. I never lose my pride and who I am. I am still me. I don’t have to fake my feelings, just so I can get sympathy, or even haters (yeah really, there are people who don’t care what you’re going through). I am human, I can show my emotions. Although there are parts that I am still healing, day by day I am getting through it. My friends make it bearable, someone is making it better, family’s making it easier. Life is good.

In few days, I am expecting an employment. Hopefully it happens sooner. You know the feeling that you’ll get something because you sense that it was the one you’re waiting for? That’s what I am feeling right now!
There is no time for hating, only good feeling and excitement.

Like the feeling of getting back after years of desperation.
Not that I’ve experienced that.
I just thought this is how it feels like. :-)

Thursday, May 27, 2010

The Good Life

Taking time off really does wonders.

Sometimes when you think about it, being a lazy ass has its perks. It makes you stop and notice everything around you. Your senses are heightened, that you notice almost everything and you see things differently than how you used to see them, senseless and boring. 

And you begin to appreciate everything. When you used to complain about almost all the friggin things, even the smallest stuff on earth, when you take things slowly, you begin to realise that everything has its own value, place, and time. I used to hate how the minutest thing can never make difference to me, so why would I even bother on it? But now, I make it sure that I recognise its worth, because it has its own purpose. I believe, that the one who made all of these has his ways of making things work, to our advantage, even if you see it otherwise. Probably not all things are meant for you to appreciate now, but in the end, you'll know why some things work and others didn't. Why you did not get the job, and others did. Why you broke up, why you're single and other countless "whys" your mind can possibly think of.

I have never been bitter for the past few weeks. If I had been a bit angry, it probably meant I was disappointed at the time. But I've learned to let things pass and look for the brighter side of every situation. I am not sure whether it was from my adopted philosophy, Taoism or it just came in naturally, but I've learned to remain positive. To always look at the brighter side of life (and then I suddenly remember my classmate Kevin!) and to always believe that the glass is half full, never half empty. 

The past few days has brought me all the possible good things life has to offer. Mama got back safely from vacation, I got my paycheque (which I think I really deserve!) I won some few contests (the most beautiful would be the pre- premiere screening tickets for Sex and the City 2 --- that I've got another blogpost to brag about all the stuff, hehe), the possible chance of employment (that I really need to work my ass of on) and few more other fine stuff I have been so lucky to get. 

I am doing all the possible things to savour this experience, because I know that when I started working, everything will be back to its fast- paced movements and routines will emerge again. But I will try to stop by and smell the roses once in a while, even amidst the work and forever remain positive, like I've always do. 

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Homecoming

So Apol and I went back to UST today for several reasons:

  • Get our diploma and transcript
  • Get UST simcard
  • Get our grad photos (taken during graduation)
  • End each other's misery (cos we badly miss each other)
So off we go with our morning meet up. I came 30 minutes earlier so I went ahead and checked if we can already get our diploma and transcript. The lady in the registrar's office (or window) said they'll be mailing them next week. I wonder how some of my batch mates already had theirs. But it was too hot to argue, I went off to look for the UST simcard booth. Again, I wasn't able to get one because apparently, they had to hold giving out simcards to alumni. They're giving the staff first before us. I asked when we're getting ours, and one of them told me to wait for further announcements, in a tone I did not like. Again, I can't compete with the hotness of the day and stride off, even giving the laydeh a warm "Thank you!" because I don't want to argue.

Few more minutes of waiting Apol arrived, smiling with her Armani shades. Yes, when you're working in one of the country's top broadcasting companies, you've got to wear the snazziest stuff. I did not get to take a pic of her shades. It's so fashown. 

Apol started talking about her work, her first paycheck (guys we know who to ask for if we got no dough!) and her experience with Ma'am Jes (yes?) Cesar Apolinario, and the dude with iPad (the one they use during their segments). I told her to tell her producer that the idea was lame, but then she told me it was her segment, sooo, forget about it. Haha!

Uhm yes? 
If you know Apol well, she likes taking photos, even in the most uncompromising temperatures. HAHA!

Then Macky called her. 

I don't know what they're talking about.
After that we decided to walk around UST despite the heat before heading to Red Images to get our grad photos. AB Building (or St. Raymund's) is undergoing major face lift. Yes UST, you just waited for us to graduate before you guys decided to renovate the building?

Then went to Red Images and saw Nachi! She's so cute! She was with her (big!) brother Jaye and cousin Eugene (who's cute by the way!)


Went back and sat at one of the pavs. Saw Joseph and Dean Vasco!

I took some photos so I'll just finish the entire story with photos. Haha! I hope I get to hang out with my college berks at UST again. I can't believe I'm not going back to UST on June to attend classes anymore this year. Haaay. 

I hate to admit, I missed UST. 







Here's my favourite photo of Apol.

Despite the unflattering pose, she looks cute here!
Then she took a photo of me too, sipping my coke while still talking to Macky. I can't believe how she's so good at multi- tasking. Haha!

Here's what's inside my bag today.
From top to bottom: latest Varsitarian issue, laptop, 
journal, book (Art Objects), celfone,
laptop charger, ballpen, highlighter. 

Not in photo: coin purse, cologne, cheek tint,
concealer, and comb (YES I ACTUALLY OWN ONE)
This is AB building now.
They're renovating the windows, walls, EVERYTHING. 
So batch 2011 is so luckeh.
Saw Sir Jere!!! He even crossed the street to talk to us!
We miss you sir Jere! 
From top to bottom: Stargirl, Catch me a Firefly, 
A Walk to Remember, and Love in the time of Cholera
Those are my books which Nachi returned today. I am happy she takes care of books well. Unlike some people... Not going to name names.

Then there's Joseph. He's going to apply at some school in QC. I hope he gets in. (and that's the reason why he looks a bit professional- ish)

Exactly!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Friends?

My friend Charlene would often say, "Bawal maging assumptionista."

What she meant by the word Assumptionista is people who assume too much, without getting facts straight. (I am guessing people will be googling for girls from Assumption San Lorenzo or Assumption Antipolo and would end up here thinking this is about them. Sorry, wrong page!)

We've encountered a lot of people who are like that, too full of themselves that they think everything is about them. As a certain song goes, "You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you, you're so vain." That's why we coined the term, assumptionista, people making assumptions.

I personally dislike people who assume we're friends, even if we're not. I can be civil with people, but unless I tell you we're friends, you have no right to think we're already friends, most especially if I don't consider you one. It takes a lot to be someone's friend. Not because you're talking, it already means you're already chums. Not because you joke twice or thrice in your life does not merit friendship. There is such thing as aquaintance. Being an aquaintance and being friends are not the same. Check dictionary.

When you call someone a friend, it entails a lot of things, like trust and love. If you think I am your friend, you can say I am your friend, but I can't automatically call you mine, not until you've earned my trust and I have reached a certain degree of comfort with you.

I am not being high or stuck up, but I value my friends a lot, and for me, friends are not just people you meet and talked to for several times. Friends are those who have been with you through sweetness and shit. Those who won't blame you for anything. Those who won't shout at you or speak ill of you. Those who have seen you cried and get through it. Those who are not envious and most especially, friends do not hurt their friends.

I admit I have a lot of falling out with some of those people I thought were my friends through the years, maybe there really are people who are meant to leave you because they're not made to be with you. But I have some that has been with me for the past seven- eight years (hi dave! hi sam! hi charmaine! hi seth! hi donut club/ maldita!). I value them so much that I don't want them to leave. There are those who I am with for two- three years (hi lian! hi cha! hi mon! hi apol! ---and the rest of my college berks) and I am happy we consider each other as second family. It's more than just having things in common, or your past relationship. It's really more than that.

So if you read this, don't think we're friends if we aren't. And please, don't question my decision to think we aren't, it's my choice not to be friends with you. As the saying goes (or something like this), friends are your family that you were not born with. They are the people you chose to be your family. I don't want you to be in my second family, so I'm sorry, can't choose you.

peace.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Possible End of the Search

For weeks now, I've been looking for a perfect planner to replace my ever reliable Papemelroti calendar. I've grown accustomed to using the thin organizer since High School. I found it easy to lug around and slip in my Mead notebook. But recently, I've been such a klutz that I've already lost two Papemelroti planners in a span of five months. Maybe I've inserted it somewhere, probably in my papers for school. Although it costs less than P20, I can't find the right planner design that I like. The first one I bought looks really cool, but I lost it mid- way March. The second one, I bought after I realised I lost the first one, but it doesn't look as nice as the first one. (I'm not a fan of floral designs!) 

Maybe it's a sign that I have to look for a more proper planner. Since I'm going to work soon, I needed one that looks really beautiful and screams ME all over it. 

But then, local bookstores are having scarcity of beautiful planners that are both cheap and chic.  Maybe they thought that in months like May, no one would probably look for planners anymore. And then miracle happened.

Please be mine!
While I was on the verge of giving up on my search, one of my favourite bloggers, Ms. Mariel Chua, former Cosmopolitan Beauty editor decided to give away five Cosmo planners to five lucky readers. Two girls already won the planners and I am hoping I'd be the third (fourth or fifth) winner.

If you decided to join this awesome contest, visit this link now :-)

*crosses fingers for good luck!*

Home is where the Heart is

Today's afternoon was great. 

I spent some time outside the house, which rarely happens now. At home, I usually kill time sitting in front of the television, flipping channels, napping for two hours, go online and pretty much do the same thing which now actually bores me to death. The opportunity of going out in the broad day light rarely happens because of the unbearable heat, but today I decided to go out, just because.

While I was busy enjoying free wi- fi, someone decided to talk to me regarding my work. I don't think I kind of look like someone who works with what I wore, shirt, jeans, flip- flops don't spell "work" altogether. Maybe because of the busy vibe I was giving off. What I was really doing was editing my cover letter. Obviously, I don't know how to make one, so I had to rely on some helpful sites for samples and work my way there. Going back to the story, the lady started asking me where I work. I told her, I am not yet working and she followed up asking about my course. So I told her, I'm a Journalism graduate. She then proceeded to asking why I don't try for ABS- CBN. At the back of my mind, I was thinking, if she's a talent scout or something (Lulz) and I told her I already took exams and was already interviewed there. She asked me again where else I applied and I told her some companies. 

My thoughts of her being a talent scout ended when she started talking to me about her kids, one of them working in Singapore. She said her daughter just tried applying there with tourist visa, but ended up with permanent job. She even told me that her daughter's employer gave her pass so she can fix her papers and work there. She told me why not try my luck abroad. 

Then I thought about it, I mean, why not? It's probably fun to live alone and work overseas. My friend Kate now works in Hong Kong and besides missing her family and friends, I guess she's pretty doing well there. But it hit me, I never really liked working abroad, not in the next few years I think. I don't want to leave my family and friends. I don't want to live in constant fear of breaking down in the middle of the night without my support system. I fear of not getting my comfort food whenever I want it. I have so many concerns, but the gist of it, I don't want to leave Philippines because this is my home. People say that at some point, you have got to leave your comfort zone, because in reality, you are really all alone in this world. But when you have the opportunity of having the best things in your life and you can make it through in the simplest ways imaginable, I don't think it's worth the risk, just yet. I wanted to enjoy my life with my family and friends. I wanted to live my life in balance and I think the only think that can do that is living with the people I love. I can probably spend few months abroad, but the thought of living for work is just unbearable, even in my mind. 

The lady left, thanking me for the time I gave her. I went back to editing my cover letters 

Maybe the lady just wants someone to talk to. 

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

You Forgot?

The mandatory "dirty finger" photo
There are about 80% of election returns canvassed as of noon today. This automation system is really incredible and the results seem credible as well. But what's really mind- blowingly annoying is that many of those who come out as winners in both National and Local elections are still the same people. 

The name Ramon Revilla (who used BONG REVILLA as his SURNAME just so he can get the eight spot in the senatorial list) is leading with 16 million votes, more than what the leading presidential candidate Noynoy Aquino has (a close to 13 million votes as of 12:37 p.m.) The likes of Lito Lapid and Bongbong Marcos is also a bit surprising. As if the people have not learned their lesson after so many years.

If that's already a shocker, you might be unpleasantly surprised to know that former president and convicted plunderer, Joseph Estrada trails Aquino, coming in second with eight million votes. The difference of 13 and eight is big and there really is no chance of Estrada getting the lead and winning, but the amount of votes casted is very surprising. Has the nation forgotten what this man did to us?

He stole a lot of money, gambled and drank like there's no tomorrow when he's supposed to serve this nation, made empty promises and forgets what he said (Remember him saying on October 2007 that he's has no plans of running? Or his recent booboo yesterday when he casted his vote, when he did not vote for his VP Jejomar Binay and son, JV Ejercito because he FORGOT). He has been a constant amusement in Presidential Debates, without actually giving off anything substantial. Really, eight million voters? Is that what you want?

I remember reading a twit, saying it was actually Estrada's fault that we have Gloria Macapagal- Arroyo as our president for nine years. If he had done his job well, finished his six- year term, then we'll not have "Hello Garci" or "ZTE scandal."

(By the way, Pampanga what the hell? Why are you voting for GMA, again? Is this district even a part of the country to not experience what kind of hell, this candidate did to the nation? Really, Congressman Macapagal- Arroyo?)

Everybody doesn't want another slump in the country, but seeing who the people voted, same people, same TraPo, we can only hope that their experience (or lack thereof) can help change this country after nine years of complete blah. 

I share the sentiments of many that what this country needs is a strong voter's education. The power to choose someone properly. To vote someone not just because you were a member of his fans club or he told you he will "raise you from poverty." 

Learn, people, learn and remember to not forget. This is for our own benefit. 

Monday, May 10, 2010

Bookshelf Talk.


This is how my books look like now. No matter how much I try to fix this little corner in my room, I always end up messing up what I fixed. There are still a lot of books inside my transparent boxes in my former room, which I used to share with my brother that I have to fix, but I seriously lack a proper place to house all my books.

Then it hit me, I need a freaking bookshelf.

Nothing really fancy. I don't like elaborated, mahogany with golden trimmings for a bookshelf. I just want a simple, white one. I have been looking through Tumblr sites which feature photos of bookshelves and most of them that I liked or reblogged are in white. Some of them has really weird shelves, diagonal, different heights, etc. But one thing remained the same, they are all white. 

I guess, since I've always fancied having black and white interiors for my future home, the pieces of furniture will automatically follow. Pristine, that's more like it. My colourful book collection will be at contrast with the ivory backdrop. My mind is drooling with ideas.  

Now I have to fix my entire room, leave a space for the bookshelf and convince parents to have one made for my books. 

I'm thrilled with the idea.


---


By the way, another thing I am extremely thrilled about is today's Election. You see, we'll have our first automated election this year which is both exciting and scary at the same time. 


Please everyone, shade the names RISA HONTIVEROS- BARAQUEL, NERIC ACOSTA, DR. MARTIN BAUSTISTA and ALEX "PINOY" LACSON in the Senatorial position and AKBAYAN in partylist.


Vote wisely, follow rules, and read carefully.
Do well Filipinos, we can do this :-)

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Snow Patrol Speaks to Me

You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go


Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do
More than anything I want to see you, girl
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world
-You Could be Happy


---


The earth is warm next to my ear
Insect noise is all that I hear
A magic trick makes the world disappear
The skies are dark, they're dark but they're clear


A distant motorcade and suddenly there's joy
The snow and ticker tape blurs all my senses numb
It's like the finish line where everything just ends
The crack of radios seems close enough to touch


Cold water, cleaning my wounds
A sad parade, with a single balloon
I'm done with this, I'm counting to ten
Bluest seas, running to them


I feel like I am watching everything from space
And in a minute I'll hear my name and I'll wake
I think the finish line's a good place we could start
Take a deep breath, take in all that you could want


-Finish Line

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

PCOS Brouhaha (or why we should be a bit scared now)

It's about six more days before the national elections. It will also be the first time we're using machines instead of papers we used for so many years now. It means, good bye manual canvassing, hello automation. This method was pushed to lessen election fraud and to see who this country really voted for in less than a month. Unlike the manual canvassing, there will no longer be Manila paper, ballot boxes travelling from one place to another. Instead, it will depend on network signals or internet to send the results.

It took Comelec months to prepare the entire country for this new method. There was even this effective (but really stupid) song made by an all- girl dance group on what to do come election day. There are even infomercials starring an old lady showing what people must do, from shading to processing--- goes to show even senior citizens can do it. They say it's a pretty easy process, so there's no need to be bothered. We're in "safe hands."

But what's mind boggling is after so many months of preparation, it seems that the major problems suddenly come out days before the election. Not being pessimistic, but really, six days before the actual date of casting of the votes is getting every one a bit paranoid now, especially we're all doing this for the first time. Suddenly, machines go berserk with sample voting. According to Ricky Carandang's blog post, the testing was unutterably a failure with fiasco happening in different parts of the country. What's scarier is even the people who are supposed to be knowledgeable in operating this machine, don't even know how to press the right buttons to actually make this thing work. 

Now tell us how it's going to be alright come May 10. That everything is going to be smooth sailing and we'll have an orderly election and that these mishaps are not just reasons for another messy election. We've done our job, falling in line whole day to register, researching for the right candidate to vote and by then, wake up hoping we'd make the right choice. Please, we know you do your job well, but make it ten times better than what you are doing now. We're a bit scared, really.

Here's to hoping we get what we all want.
Vote wisely.

Same Time, Different Day

Fucking Brilliant. 

I don't know what's with 2 a.m. and I'm always, always still wide awake on this hour of the day. Quite the reverse 12 hours later, when I'm unutterably sleepy. I end up kipping for good two- three hours. I remember taking a test few years back about what time of the day you are. I am a 2:10 a.m. person. I have no idea how that came out, but true to the result, I almost always (about 70- 80% of the time) up and giddy by 2 a.m. 

Sometimes it's not funny anymore. There are things that I really wanted to do in the day, but because I always wake up at 10 a.m., feeling sleep deprived, I tend to go back to sleep after eating lunch. Plus, the heat's really making me sleepy. Unlike other people who can't get their sleep when it's hot, the heat's making it all conducive for me sleep. I hate it.

Probably this will change if I have something substantial to do in the morning, like work or if I have to go do errands somewhere. I hate, hate staying at home. For the lack of things to see and hear. Tomorrow, I plan to go to Promenade. But it looks kind of sad to go there alone. The only place where I can be alone and happy is at Boni Hi- street or Serendra. There's Fully Booked or A Different Bookstore to always go to. There's Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf to hangout at. And there's always this person I can text (hopefully not working his ass off somewhere again) who can join me. I kinda miss him.

We used to talk 'til 2 a.m. and sleep on each other's text messages.